Hi guys! I'm back in Knox so I decided I would start writing again. Little life update, I just went through a very sad breakup, sorority recruitment, the first week of classes, and moving into a new apartment all at the same time. It has put so much stress and anxiety on me and was a very hard time. I started taking it out on my body and starting to feel this gross feeling that I get sometimes and it is impossible to shake off. It was really hard for me to not overthink food and not get stressed about my body. But recently I started seeing an eating disorder therapist who has helped me with my food SO much! It has helped me realize that I am a healthy human. I can eat what I want and enjoy life because life isn't about counting calories, it's the experience. I have had ice cream, fun coffees, chips, and so many fear foods because she helped me realize that if you take away the scary power they have over me, then it just becomes food. It has helped me not overthink food & enjoy what I want and fuel my body the right way.
Speaking of fuel, here are some things I learned from Bailey that I will practice for the rest of my life. Food is normal. Cravings or being hungry is your body telling you what it wants. Ignoring cravings and eating a rice cake instead will just make you want it even more. She has helped me realize that food should be something you enjoy, not stress about. She has made me eat lots of foods that scare me quite a few times until they don't become scary anymore. Like if I want some mint chocolate chip ice cream, I can have that. It doesn't scare me anymore. She taught and showed me how to enjoy my things in moderation and not be afraid to drink something like lemonade instead of diet lemonade. Your body knows what to do with that sugar or whatever is in that food or drink and it uses it for energy. Seeing Bailey has helped me overcome so many of my fears of foods that I never would've been able to do by myself. Another big thing is that I am able to listen to my body truely, eat when I'm hungry, and make sure it's not just boredom.
In conclusion, the way I fuel my body is to listen to it. If I need a rest day, I need a rest day. If I'm craving some cheese, go eat some cheese. You not going to gain 100 pounds by eating ice cream, because everything is in moderation. When you trust your cravings, eating in moderation is easier then if you ignore it or fill it with something light like rice cakes. I am so blessed to have been able to work with her for the Summer because I have grown so much and I am able to listen to my body and how it wants to be fueled. Even though sometimes it's hard for me to order things with the calories there, everything is a work in progress. I love my body, it does so mich for me. It deserves all the fuel it can get, even it comes from something random like a piece of cake. Life is about experiences, and since I am such a foodie, I can feel free to try new foods without the anxiety of gaining weight (even though weight gain isn't the end of the world). My doctor always told me my weight and my lifestyle was healthy and I finally believe her.
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