Hi loves! I hope you are having a great start to your week! I am going to make today's message short as well because I am super busy but I wanted to talk about the toxic culture of body checks, especially on social media. You see girls do "fit checks" and they are sucking in and making themselves look "skinnier" or "thicker" because they want people to think that about them. I have done that and I still do because I don't want people to think my relaxed body is me sucking in because it is always everyone sucking in. So I get nervous thinking if I relax my stomach people with that's me sucking in. Which is so incredibly toxic and I hate it so so so so much. I am trying to be more relaxed on socials and not suck in as much because it's hard to live life when I am so wrapped up in my stomach or my thighs and whatnot.
I am going to try to be more relaxed about my body, but I don't think I will ever not suck in. It's so incredibly common and normal that it would be weird to not suck in. So tbh, I'm not sure how to feel about that part of it but I still feel guilty whenever I do it. I think this summer since I am going to start seeing a nutritionist, it will help me not freak put about food so much and hopefully help me feel better about myself because my body dysmorphia is so horrible, especially when I'm working out. I try to not look at myself but once I do it once, I freak out and can't stop looking at myself. IDK, my brain is such a mess with this stuff. But I am working so hard. I'm truly exhausted from working so hard to eat and feel good about myself because I would do anything to just feel good in my own skin 24/7. Literally anything. I work it up in my head that I am so fat and huge and I compare myself to everyone else, especially when they post body checks.
Today's message was weird so I'm sorry for being all over the place but I just am really really tired of feeling like this. It's exhausting waking up every day and feeling terrible about myself and just tearing myself down. it's so incredibly toxic and self-degrading and I am so tired of it. I know that's weird it's just I can't wait for the day I wake up and don't think about my stomach or the fat I have in my thighs. I literally cannot wait.
Sorry for the weird message but I love yall so much<3
kate
Commenti