Hi loves! I am super tired so I'm going to voice type because I'm feeling lazy so if this comes out with some grammar issues, this is why. This is gonna be short because it was just on my mind but I was looking at old pictures and videos of me this time last year. I gained some weight since then even though I used to think I was so fat but I wasn't. I'm currently trying to lose weight, which I have but I haven't stepped on a scale because that is not how I tell if I am healthy or not. Like I've mentioned before, I've always weighed a lot but was always healthy so I don't think about it like that. I have been eating healthier foods and smaller portions and working out but I don't think I've been eating enough so I'm trying to fix that. Back to the topic I just think that looking back at old pictures of yourself is not gonna make you feel any better. It made me feel kind of sad thinking I used to think I was so fat but I wasn't. I had my current dream body and that is so crazy to think I passed that up. Gaining weight and college is 100% normal and more common than not so I'm giving myself grace. But I work out every day and eat so healthy here so I'm just trying to find a happy balance. I realized that I need to start loving my relaxed body and not just my sucked in body like I did in my past. I used to only like my sucked in body in my flexing body but I never liked my resting. I've been following a lot of accounts on Instagram that show resting stomachs and that has made me feel a little better but it has not done a ton. I'm really just trying to focus on working out with my body dysmorphia out of my mind and liking my body for exactly what it is.
Body dysmorphia has been a part of my life as long as I can remember and it makes me feel very bad about myself. But my friends all told me today how strong my legs looked and I don't think they understood just how amazing that made me feel. I feel like I have really big chunky legs but when they said I had strong legs it made me feel amazing. I have realized that my weight does go to my legs which is some thing that I cannot prevent and I need to learn to accept. I always wanted bigger thighs when I was younger and now that I have them I don't like them but I should. I am working so hard on liking my legs because they are truly my biggest insecurity as of right now along with my stomach.
I don't really think this blog is saying that much but I was kind of just more of a rant of what I've been dealing with. I really just been working so hard and not always seeing results which sucks because mentally I'm trying so hard to just love everything about myself but it doesn't always come out that way. I'm getting tired of trying so hard and only seeing slight results in my mental image of myself.
This ended up being way longer than I thought but to be honest this is really not a blog post it's more just like the real side of me I guess? I always talk about how hard I'm trying and ways to work on yourself but I write them so that I can do them myself. I've just really been struggling with trying to find a happy balance because I feel like everything I do is just going to waste with my body dysmorphia. But I'm still gonna work until I see the results that I wanna see:)
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